


Tightly and Inextricably Knotted

by fandomfix



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Boys In Love, Emperor Hux, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, The Author Regrets Nothing, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 18:48:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7373329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomfix/pseuds/fandomfix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>I thought I'd never see you again</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tightly and Inextricably Knotted

**Author's Note:**

> My fantastic friend [frapandfurious](http://obsessions-and-dreams.tumblr.com) prompted me to write this and I have delivered. It got a bit more angsty than you probably expected, but considering I'm constantly a fluffy mess, I don't think the angst is that bad.

The palace felt duller than usual today. Everything seemed grey and dismal and not worth the effort he’d put into getting to this place. Some days he longed to be aboard a ship again, conquering worlds in the name of the First Order.

Now others conquered worlds in his name. And while that was what he had wanted—and still wanted—there were moments he wished things were different.

Those feelings were especially strong currently.

He had been in audiences this morning, when an aide passed him an urgent message.

It was from Phasma and while he would normally welcome communiques from his General, his eyes were drawn to six words toward the bottom.

“We’ve lost contact with Kylo Ren.”

It took everything in him to act as if this news meant nothing. He was still in the throne room, surrounded by hundreds of eyes always waiting for any show of weakness. But his heartbeat picked up at an alarming rate.

Kylo was to return from his mission within the week. Kylo was to return after rendezvousing with Phasma. Kylo was to return _to him_.

It took everything in him to keep still, to keep blank. The audiences continued, but he wasn’t listening anymore. When he finally escaped, it took physical effort to keep his walk at a calm stride.

They’d lost contact with the shuttle. They’d lost contact with Kylo.

That didn’t have to mean anything. It shouldn’t mean anything. Comm systems went down all the time and it didn’t mean anything dire.

Except for the fact that Phasma was one of very few people in the galaxy that knew about his relationship with Kylo. Was the _only_ person who knew the depth of his feelings for the other man. Not even Kylo knew about that and now Hux wished he’d told him before he left.

He’d considered it. They had been alone for a few brief moments before Kylo left a month ago and it had been on the tip of his tongue. But saying something so emotional wasn’t common for the two of them and he convinced himself that Kylo already knew. That it wasn’t necessary to tell him because it would be saying something that was better left unsaid.

Now he wanted to destroy his past self for being so foolish.

Phasma wouldn’t have sent that message unless she was genuinely concerned about Kylo. She wouldn’t have wanted to cause Hux undue worry; even if she knew he’d never admit to being worried.

He paused at the door of his quarters, telling the guards to allow no one access. If anyone came looking for him, they were to say that he wished to be alone. He entered his quarters and closed the door gently.

And then he began demolishing everything his hands touched.

Before this moment, he’d never understood how cathartic Kylo must find the activity.

The thought of Kylo was not a welcome one and the destruction became even more violent.

*

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since the message from Phasma.  Although she assured him they had no reason to suspect the worst, Hux didn’t believe her.

It had been two weeks and no one had caught a glimpse of Kylo or that ridiculous shuttle. He was either kidnapped or murdered and Hux would never know and if he found the ones responsible he would end them.

Death would be too swift, so he would ensure they understood the severity of their mistake.

He still had to act as if nothing was different. By now, his more trusted advisors knew about the disappearance, but even around them he refused to drop the façade. Let them think he was so emotionless. Let them think that Kylo meant so little to him.

It was better than the alternative.

It was better than someone entering his quarters and discovering the maelstrom within. Better than anyone knowing that he had never hated his status as emperor more, as it prevented him from hunting down Kylo himself.

He walked back to his room. He had taken his dinner in the dining room to keep up appearances, but anyone paying attention would have known he wasn’t seeing anything he ate.

There had been no more news. No more information about the whereabouts of Kylo. Hux refused to admit that his hope was dwindling as each day passed.

Kylo was strong. Kylo was resilient. Kylo would never willingly disappoint him.

But Kylo had also been missing for at least two weeks and there had been no word from him.

He nodded to his guards as he entered the room, not even bothering with the order. After two weeks of telling them to let no one disturb him, he figured they knew the drill. The only person allowed inside was the one who cleaned his room. They knew better than to clean the whole mess at this point. But they made the bed and there was an obvious path from the desk to the bedroom that hadn’t been there this morning.

He collapsed into his desk chair, determining to try getting some paperwork done. It had been piling up and while no one had noticed yet, it wouldn’t be much longer before they did.

He lost himself in the work, hours passing without much change.

At one point he heard a commotion outside his door, but no one entered and the noises quickly drew away.

He couldn’t find it in him to care enough to open the door and ask what had happened. That would imply he wanted to talk to anyone.

He had just resolved to finish for the night and go to sleep. Spend another night restless in his bed, which hadn’t felt quite so empty two weeks ago.

He was making his way toward the bedroom when a knock sounded at his door.

He turned and stormed back over, grumbling the whole way.

“I asked for no interruptions,” he said as he flung the door open.

An attendant stood outside.

“Forgive me, majesty. You are needed in the infirmary at once.”

“The infirmary? What use could I be in there?”

The attendant didn’t look upset by his brusque tone, but still rushed to explain.

“I do not know, majesty. But we had an emergency at the gates a while ago and…”

Hux brushed past him, no longer listening. There was no reason to call him down there. No reason he should care about anything happening at the gates. At least, nothing he should care about with his guards still standing outside his door.

Unless…

But no. It was time to let go of the hope he’d held onto for longer than he would have allowed himself if it had been anyone else.

Finally reaching his destination, he couldn’t help but be thankful he hadn’t begun undressing for the night. It made his entrance seem slightly more impressive. A nurse rushed up to him at once and before he could even voice his curiosity at the summons, she spoke.

“Majesty, I am sorry to have disturbed you. He refused any further treatment until he had spoken to you. We tried to explain…”

Hux ignored her. He had glanced behind her and noticed the dark figure at the end of the room. Moving briskly, he took in the sight before him.

Kylo Ren lay on the bed, healing bruises all over the exposed skin. There were deep scratches along his face and neck, and the way he was breathing didn’t lend much confidence either. But he was awake and focused solely on Hux.

“General.” He murmured. Any other time Hux would have rolled his eyes at Kylo’s refusal to use his new title when they were alone. But something in his chest burst with warmth at the familiar word.

He still hadn’t spoken, just staring at the man before him. Kylo didn’t seem to be in any better shape.

It was a surprise to both of them when the question “what in blazes happened to you?” burst out of his mouth.

Kylo tried to breathe deeply, wincing at the action. Hux hoped those ribs were already wrapped; hoped Kylo hadn’t been stupid enough to refuse that along with everything else.

“Ambush. Tried to down shuttle. Had to find other transport back here.”

“And why didn’t Phasma know about any of this? Why didn’t you contact the capitol?” He asked, attempting to keep his mind focused on the important details. ‘ _Why didn’t you contact me’_ went unspoken.

It was obviously difficult for the man to speak for long periods of time but he persevered. He truly was one of the most willful men Hux knew.

“Comms got taken out. Didn’t want them to track me. Had to get back here.”

There were so many details missing. So many things that didn’t make sense and in another situation Hux would have demanded to hear them. Who had ambushed him and why? How had he managed to get back here if he was hurt and what exactly had happened to cause his injuries? But Kylo was beginning to lose consciousness and there were more important things for Hux to say.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” he whispered. He knew he should be less open. They were in public and he had already shown enough weakness by the way he’d rushed to Kylo’s side.

But he was tired of hiding things from this man. Just because he had the Force didn’t mean he knew all, despite what he might say. If he didn’t have potential broken ribs, Hux might _possibly_ have flung himself at the other man.

That was unlikely, but he wasn’t completely positive it was impossible anymore.

Kylo’s eyes came back into focus. He was fighting sleep as long as he could. He stared long and hard at Hux’s face, before raising his arm the smallest amount off the bed. It clearly pained him, but he didn’t stop until Hux took his hand gently, placing them both back on the blankets.

“Impossible. I swore myself to you. Don’t have permission to leave yet.”

Hux stared at him, bringing his other hand up to stroke the hair out of Kylo’s face.

“You may not get that permission. I…missed you quite a great deal, Kylo. I wanted to tell you that I…” he took a deep breath. “I l—”

“I know,” Kylo said. “Still nice to hear it.

Hux huffed, trying and failing to sound annoyed.

“You didn’t let me finish, you great imbecile. You have no idea what I was going to say.”

Kylo smiled the slightest bit. The man wouldn’t be awake much longer.

He breathed deeply, centering himself before he said what _needed_ to be said.

“I love you, Kylo. I will possibly wake up some morning and regret admitting it, but right now I just want to be certain that you know.”

Kylo stared at him. His eyes were drooping and the slight grip he had on Hux’s hand was loosening.

“Love you, Hux. Won’t leave.”

He fell asleep. Hux sat there for another moment, staring at the sleeping figure. But then he called for the nurse, letting her know her patient was asleep. As she came back over, he leaned forward and pressed the smallest kiss to Kylo’s forehead. He eased his hand out of the other man’s loose grip and walked out.

As he strode back to his quarters, he couldn’t help but think. Come the morning, he probably would regret being so open in front of witnesses. Come the morning he would have to be certain that his advisors knew about the return of Kylo Ren.

Come the morning he would have to contact Phasma and let her know that she hadn’t failed him in some way.

But right now he entered his room, thinking that he would have to let the room be cleaned now. Just because he’d admitted to loving him didn’t mean he needed to let Kylo know just how heartbroken he had been.

He lay in the bed, dreaming of Kylo Ren’s face. It was the best sleep he’d had in weeks.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't even realize I'd pulled the classic "i love you" "i know" until i was editing, but i'm not even a little ashamed. Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Come say hey on [my tumblr](http://fandomfix8.tumblr.com)!


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